Ohhh, my head...
I've been put on new medication by the doc, and it feels like I've just roofied myself.
Normally I'm a sleep Nazi - I refuse to have a lie-in unless it's a weekend to keep my schedule as regular as possible.
However, on Sunday (my first day on mirtazapine) I woke up at noon, had something to eat and didn't get up again until 6pm. Other days have been variation on this 'sleep alot, eat, try to do something useful, fail, sleep' theme.
When I'm awake I feel like I'm on a gently rocking boat. Concentration is terrible, dry mouth ever present. Apparently these are pretty normal side effects. My doc recommended mirtazapine because I wanted something that wasn't an SSRI.
Hey, they work, but I want my libido back! My 'date knickers' are starting to develop abandonment issues. So... I'm going to give mirtazapine 2-3 weeks, then see what happens.
My main concern is that my brain will rot and my intelligence will be lowered. Paranoid? Yes. But there are trees out there lumbering more gracefully than I right now.
Also, possessing the quickness of intellect found in recently beheaded poultry does nothing for one's esteem.
Being this stupid and clumsy is really rather trying. Let's hope it's only temporary.
I could nap forever. I am a napper. I need lie in (new use for me)discipline.
ReplyDeleteTopamax sort of does the same thing to me.
Naps rule, which is what makes them so deliciously tempting! Oh, to be reborn as a cat.
ReplyDeleteEven while drugged you manage to be bitingly funnier than the next person.
ReplyDeleteI was watching a back episode of This American Life where Ira Glass visits a comedy camp for kids. The comedy coach berates one of the kids for not being likable enough. Voiceover from Ira: Is it better to be funny or likable? Later, talking to my adult daughter on the phone, I ask, Is it better to be likable or intelligent?
Likable isn't who I am, but would I give up some noticeable IQ points to be likable?
Would you settle for less than sharp to be rid of your mental health issues?
Intelligent, methinks. Likeable is all very well and good, but you can be friendly to a mugger/Rubik's cube/nasty cold and they still won't bend to one's charm and flattering eloquence. And you can be very, very well liked but go to bed lonely.
ReplyDeleteYou may not consider 'likeable' as one of your key personality traits, but that's really not a bad thing.
Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers aren't likeable. However, they are smart and more importantly, they are resilient.
The feeling better vs. being less sharp is a conundrum faced by many of us who take medication. Oh, our precious, precious brains!
Well, I don't like the meds - but they really do enable you to do normal things like brush your teeth, feed the cat and pay bills on time.
If your life has broken down and basic tasks become unmanageable, being smart is the least of your worries!
However, medication is a part of getting better, not the whole.
Being out of a mentally toxic environment, eating conscientiously, planning one's day, interacting positively with others and actively working towards the 'feelgood' stuff (e.g. by praying, therapy, meditation, yoga, etc) is also necessary. Doing that helps you build resilience and can even assist you a point where you can do without meds.
So short answer is yes, I would allow myself to be more blunted to get rid of the bad-brain stuff... but I would really, really prefer not to.
'This American Life' sounds interesting - have heard others mention it and will have to check it out.
"My main concern is that my brain will rot and my intelligence will be lowered."
ReplyDeleteYeah, I know what you mean. I'm on medical marijuana, and so I go around feeling like I have early Alzheimer's.
I hope you're not gone from blogging.
Wow, I heard that stuff is really strong. I'm not gone from blogging altogether, although I have taken a break for awhile. My brain is rebooting itself :-)
ReplyDelete